We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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