my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
