I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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