is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
