Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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