And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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