i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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