Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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