drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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