he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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