There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
