if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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