i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
