I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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