sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
