if you like me you must not know who I am
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
