How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
