he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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