I puked a lego.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
