the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
