omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
