Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
