she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
