??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
