You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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