So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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