This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize