i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
are you so shy because you have an std?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
