he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize