We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
