The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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