You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My ass is underappreciated
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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