We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
