I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
