there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
