The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
