There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize