did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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