She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
