before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
