You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
