Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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