please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
