She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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