im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
