I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
