i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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