She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
