I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
