how do flat chested girls get laid?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
