how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
