Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
