I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize