I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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