I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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