I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize