Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
