Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
