Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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