Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize