She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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