I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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