My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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