just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Found the puke drawer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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