he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
