how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize