Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
