just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
