You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
