Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
