dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
