My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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