Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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