i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
