In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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