Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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