a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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