He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
