So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
