Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
