no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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