my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
