I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
