He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
