Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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