have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
