Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
