Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
