Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
