Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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