I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
