I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize