Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
