It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
